Dancing with Robot Monsters
by Not Just a Nerd
Summary: Halloween hijinks featuring the Doctor, Rose, Donna, Captain Jack, Jackie, Tony, Mickey, and clockwork droids. Crack-fic. Tenth Doctor x Rose Tyler. Two shot.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who, clearly.**

 **Note: Setup: here, Journey's end didn't happen. Rose and Jackie use dimension cannon to travel between the two universes. The Doctor and Rose are together. They are all friends with Donna, Jack, Mickey. Allonsy then!**

 _At the Tyler Halloween party:_

Rose Tyler rued the moment she had decided on this outfit. If she could get to the TARDIS and get back in time to talk herself out of it, she totally would, paradoxes be damned, because dancing in a stupid gown with stupid high heels while trying not to get killed by stupid clockwork droids was an absolute pain in the arse. "Can I just say, for the record, that this is absolutely ridiculous?"

The Doctor, dressed comfortably in his usual suit and trainers, damn him, looked at her with a glint of childish delight in his eyes. "Oh, yes!"

Mickey shook his head at the hopeless pair, just thankful that, for a change, they weren't stranded in an unknown ship in the distant future while the Doctor ran away from his feelings for Rose by jumping on a horse. He turned to Jackie, the look of disbelief on his face mirroring hers. "How did we go from Halloween to this again?"

Jackie scowled. "With those two? We 'ad it coming. I should 'ave known it when I invited himself to the party."

 _Five days ago:_

Halloween decorations were supposed to be fun. They were, when she was a kid. But after seeing all the strange, strange creatures in the air, at sea, on land, all over the Universe, Halloween somewhat lost its appeal. Still, she had to get on with it, before her mum gave her another piece of her mind. At least she had managed to talk the Doctor into taking care of the decorations in the other Universe before she and her beloved brother had to murder each other by the superpower of ceaseless glaring. There was that little victory, at least.

"What do you think the Doctor will dress as, Rose?" Mickey asked, snapping her out of her thoughts.

Not that she would ever tell Mickey, but they had been having that very argument for the past few days, Trouble in not Paradise, with her failed efforts to convince him that dressing as a banana was an absolutely horrible idea, because it took too long to get in and out of that costume, and did he really want to be a walking talking innuendo in a party where Jack would already be present to play that part? She shrugged, mentally noting to try again, but this time, with the tactic that experience had proven to be most useful time and again- with less clothes on and more tongue action. "Ten quid says he'll come dressed as Shiver."

Jackie popped her head out of the kitchen, and the spatula in her hand conjured dreadful images in Mickey's head of Tyler women slaps. "What does he need to dress up for? He's an _alien_!"

Before either of them could answer her, she pointed at one of the jack-o-lanterns where the light wasn't working, and ducked back inside the kitchen. Mickey and Rose exchanged a look. This was definitely going to be a long, long day.

 _At the Tyler Halloween party, earlier:_

"Ah, Mickey the Idiot! What are you dressed as? No, wait, don't answer that. Let me guess. I love the guessing game. Could win a Nobel Prize for it, me. Well, if they had a Nobel for it. Wonder why I never thought of that before, huh. Anyway, why are you dressed as a Cyberman reject?"

Mickey's eyebrows twitched in barely restrained irritation. "I am the Tin Man. From the Wizard of Oz." He waited for the Doctor to realize the brilliance of his ironic costume, but of course that never happened. The Doctor gave him a thorough scan with his eyes from head to toe- _he's not checking me out, stop it, focus_ \- then simply shrugged, still not seeing it.

With a sigh, Mickey glared at him. "Tell me, Doctor, do you bleed? Cause you will."

The Doctor made a face. Did all humans have these fetishes? _Must ask Rose, hmmm_. "Hate to break it to you, Mickey, but Time Lords don't have periods."

Mickey's eyes widened. "That's not what..." He stared at the alien incredulously. "I was quoting Batman."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow, confusion written all over his freckled face. "But you're the _Tin_ man. And you wonder why I called you Mickey the idiot?"

Mickey couldn't respond, because their attention was demanded by the pink and yellow woman who had entered the room and was clearing her throat not so subtly. Dressed in a beautiful flowing pink gown, with her hair up in a bun, and her smile lighting up the room, she took the Doctor's breath away.

He beamed at her proudly. "Look at you! Who are you this time, Dame Rose?"

"What do you mean this time? How many- oh." Mickey's brain caught up with him a little too late. Images of Rose in every costume from every era, doing things with the Doctor that he was better off not knowing about flashed in his mind making his eyes widen in distress. Ignorance really was bliss. "Never mind. I don't wanna know."

"I do!" came the voice of a very familiar time traveller from the fifty first century.

Rose and the Doctor both got huge grins on their faces at the arrival of their dear friend, and the Doctor pulled him into a hug. "Captain Jack! Dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow! Brilliant!"

Jack hugged him back, and when they parted, he quirked an eyebrow at him. "Just a hug? I expected more." He gave him a wink, before he found his attention drawn to the woman who had just got out of the kitchen. "Hi, I'm Captain Jack Harkness. And you must be Cleopatra!"

The Doctor groaned. He absolutely did not want Jack saying hello to his best friend. "Don't start."

Donna beamed, flattered and flustered by the compliment. "Well, no, I'm Donna, Donna Noble, best temp in Chiswick, hundred words per minute, but I like that better."

Jack shot her a suggestive grin. "Glad to know I can give you what you like."

Both Rose and the Doctor groaned in unison this time. "Not now, Jack!"

Mickey, meanwhile, had retreated beside Jackie, fading into the ever familiar role of the forgotten Tin dog, in costume this time. He whispered to her. "The way they talk together, it's creepy. It's like Castle."

Jackie blinked. "What castle?"

Mickey rolled his eyes. Of course she wouldn't get the reference. "Blimey, you really need to watch something other than Eastenders, Jackie."

The group continued chatting and mingling. The two girls who had to keep a rude and not ginger alien in line gave each other a warm hug. "Love the dress, Rose!"

"Thanks, Donna! You don't look so bad yourself!"

They heard Jack mutter a "I'd say", and chose to ignore it. Donna beamed again. "Thanks! I love Agatha Christie!"

" _That's_ who you are?" The Doctor asked, scanning Donna from head to toe and back. "Should have added a wig, she wasn't ginger." He said with a shrug.

Donna rolled her eyes. "Says the git who goes to ancient Rome dressed in a pinstripe suit! You're just jealous, spaceman."

It occurred to him then that all the women he was surrounded by would be more than delighted to smack him at the first opportunity that presented itself, and he must think before he spoke. He curled his lower lip in what was definitely not a pout. "I am not jealous. Time Lords don't get jealous."

Rose and Donna mouthed the last sentence together with him, having heard it a hundred times before. When Rose danced with an alien at a ball and they left the planet within a few minutes, he wasn't jealous, check. When Rose wore that red backless dress with those heels and he glared at everyone who was drooling at her, he wasn't jealous, check. When one of Pete's coworkers asked her out on a dinner date and he took her to a planet that supplied sushi all over the galaxies, he wasn't jealous, check.

He was not jealous.

And Rose was not supposed to join Donna in making fun of his not-jealousy. She was supposed to be on his side.

"You too, Rose?" He asked with a heavy sigh, before his mind wandered off to something that he had momentarily forgotten thanks to all the distractions. "What are you dressed as anyway? You never answered me. Let me guess. Queen Elizabeth?"

Rose rolled her eyes. Was she dressed as the Queen he accidentally married while fighting Zygons? "No."

"My bad. Jane Eyre?"

Was she dressed as the woman she connected to when she first fell for a much older and grumpier Mister big ears? "No."

"Ah, you're a Victorian governess!"

And these were the precise moments when she really thought he was blind or thick, or both, possibly. "I'm dressed as Madame du Pompadour, you daft alien!"

His jaw hung open before he could click it shut. "Whatever did you dress as her for?"

She failed to hold back a retort, even though she was most definitely not jealous either. "Don't know. Reckoned I'd catch your eye this way."

He swallowed. "Rose, I..." _We're not having this conversation in front of Jackie. If she knows I was infatuated with Reinette, I'm dead._ _Think. Search. Distract._ "I brought bananas! Always bring bananas to a party!" With that, he gave her a dazzling smile and ran away before she could grab a hold of him and make him complete the sentence.

A sigh left her plum pink lips. "And tequila."

She felt a reassuring pat on her arm at that. "And Donna. I'll take care of him, don't you worry."

Images of Donna yanking the Doctor by the ear till he apologized to her came to her mind, and that memory cheered her up instantly. "You're the best, Donna."

Someone else had to agree, someone with eyes on everyone in the room. "She really is."

"Jack!"

 _Three days back:_

Shopping for groceries and not spare parts for the TARDIS was on his list of things that he detested the most, and yet, there he was. There were reasons why he never dated companions, and domestics were at the top of that list. Oh how the mighty had fallen, how one Rose Tyler had the last of the time lords wrapped around her little finger. "Why do I have to do this?"

Rose rolled her eyes, immune to his whining by that point. Truth be told, she hated the mundane too and would much rather have adventures on the TARDIS, thank you very much. Not that she would ever say the words to him even if he knew that. "It's the least you can do after the mess you made at mum's flat." She put the jar of jelly babies in the cart that she was making him push, and lifted her shoulders in a non-chalant shrug. "Hey, _your_ words, _you_ offered."

Yeah, he really did need to learn to keep his gob shut.

"Why can't we trick and treat with bananas this year?" He asked one more time, hopeful that maybe this time the answer would magically change.

 _Kids_. She thought of Tony and the annoying pranks he pulled on her on a daily basis, and how their dad had told her to set a good example for her little brother and not resort to name-calling. "Because apparently it's rude to call little kids monkeys to their faces."

"But bananas are... brilliant!"

They were not having a conversation about the brilliance of bananas again, because if she had to go through that one more time, she would shoot every single banana in a radius of five kilometres around them and then some. "Yeah, well, kids don't think so, so button it."

"Yes, ma'am." He mumbled behind her, not without sarcasm. Tyler women were bossy enough, he had always known, but a Tyler girlfriend was on a whole other level, as he had come to learn the hard way when she had made him give her mother pedicures and fish spas for a whole week for accidentally destroying her tab. He wondered if-

"Ooo, look at that! This looks delicious!" His attention was captured by the tempting box of candies in neon wrappers, calling out to him to eat them all in a hypnotic voice inside his over imaginative mind. "We should get a box or two."

She gave him a stern look, even as she grabbed one box. "You are absolutely not having any candy."

"Why not?"

Her stare was one of disbelief. "You already bounce around with too much energy! If you wake me up in the morning on a sugar high, I might just lock you in my closet. Like I did with Tony, remember?"

Of course he did. He had been there to watch the siblings at each other's throats. Technically, her closet was a huge room, somewhat like his wardrobe room, but much smaller. And Tony was fine. Rose's black heels was a whole other story though, and he was sure she had not forgiven Tony for that yet.

But now was not the time for that. He had a much more important argument at hand.

"Time Lords don't get sugar high, Rose. We can metabolize glucose and fructose-"

She shoved a dozen bananas in his hands and shut him up effectively. "-Doctor, you can't have candies. You'll have bananas. They're brilliant, after all."

His Rose really was too clever, using his own words against him. He had to accept defeat. "Well-played, Miss Tyler."

She gave him a tongue-in-teeth smile, genuinely pleased with herself. "Thanks, now come on!"

 _And one day before that:_

The sight of Jackie Tyler was always terrifying. The sight of Jackie Tyler with a dimension cannon in her hand? That was terrifying with a cherry on top. Not that he was ever going to admit it and say "Please put the weapon away, you're scaring me, I won't shag your daughter again, promise".

There were other ways. Other more effective and truthful ways.

"I really don't like guns."

He was certain that she angled the cannon in his direction on purpose, just to amplify the affect it was clearly having on him. "It's not a gun, it's a cannon, so shut it!" With one last threatening yank at the offending object, she dove into her room, leaving the door open behind her.

He let out the breathe that he didn't realise he was holding until then, and hollered over his shoulder in her direction, now that not being in the range of her sight and in proximity with her cannon was lending him some courage. "Why are we even carving pumpkins? Witches are not scared of pumpkins! They're scared of words. Did I tell you about the time I met Shakespeare and we fought some evil witches?"

Her head popped out of her doorframe, and he could feel her glare at the back of his head. "This ain't Shakespeare's house, it's mine. We'll do things my way. So less talking, more carving. Get back to it!" This time, she slammed the door shut behind her and he winced. Message received.

Rose patted his arm sympathetically, even while enjoying the situation a little bit. "It could have been worse. At least it's not pears!"

His reflex to make a face at the mere mention of pears did not fail him. "She's a real slave driver, your mum. I should dress as her for Halloween. Scariest costume in the estate, that one."

That made her grin. "I reckon one Jackie Tyler is enough, yeah?"

He most definitely agreed. "I guess", he mumbled, picking up the knife and going back to the task. Two more minutes of futile scraping at the insides of the annoyingly orange vegetable was all he could stand, before he gave up on the knife, dropping it on the table with an impatient thud, and reached for his sonic screwdriver. "I don't know how you humans work with knives, it's _so_ slow. I'll show you how it should be done, you just watch, Rose Tyler." He adjusted the setting, and pointed it at the pumpkin, ready to impress his girl with the frankly impressive combination of time lord technology and his brilliance.

Rose took a step back tentatively, the memory of the telly exploding still fresh in her mind. Surely he had learnt his lesson, surely this time it won't end in-

Boom. Splash.

Pumpkin flesh all over the kitchen- the table, the chairs, the utensils, and in her hair and on her clothes. She stared at the Doctor, who was standing with his mouth open in shock and his eyes wide in terror, covered in pumpkin pulp, a sight that would have warranted a click on her phone in any other situation.

"Rose, what's that noise?"

They exchanged worried glances at each other, their hands finding their way to tangle together by muscle memory. Before Jackie could kill him, he was leading her out of her apartment, both of them grinning like loons. "Run!"

 _At the Tyler Halloween party:_

"We're still going to Halloween, the planet, after this is over, right?" He asked when they had relative privacy.

"Yeah, of course. But I need a kip before that."

"You should have dressed as Sleeping Beauty." The comment left his lips before he could stop himself, but he quickly found a way to change the topic before they had a row again over how human sleeping habits were not rubbish and he should really let her sleep more than ten hours a day. "Your place or mine?"

She picked an invisible thread from the lapels of his jacket. "Definitely yours. Too many people here. Need some privacy."

He swallowed, wondering if he was about to get lucky. "Why? Did you have more than a kip in mind?"

"Maybe?"

His decision was instantaneous. "We can skip the party, I don't mind."

She let out a soft chuckle, amused at the affect she always had on him. "Come on, play nice", and then, before he could protest, she leaned in closer and whispered in his ears, "I'll make it worth your while."

Jackie forced the fond smile off her face, knowing that encouraging the hopeless pair would only lead to more explosions in the future. She watched the two from a distance, not missing the twinkle in his eyes and the smirk on her daughter's face. "I don't even want to think about what they get upto in that little box of his."

Donna felt like a fan girl, ready to cheer on her oh-tee-pee. "This is better than running for their lives though, right?"

"I guess so." She admitted reluctantly, and then decided to grill the ginger at hand. "You're a smart woman, Donna. Why do you run around with those two?"

Donna shrugged. "Hey, somebody's gotta keep them in line, right?"

Jackie snorted. The idea that someone could make them behave was ridiculous. "Let me know how that works out for you."

"Better yet, I'll show you." Donna proclaimed proudly, ready to show off her skills, and to irritate her almost brother, added bonus, and yelled at his direction. "Oi, get a room, you two!"

Immediately, they took hurried steps away from each other, matching deer caught in the headlights expressions on their faces, looking anywhere but at their company.

Jackie stared in shock. Donna Noble was a goddess who should be worshipped in galaxies across the universe, it was official.

 _One day earlier:_

"I still think Tony should be here." The Doctor said, while putting up a rather flashy Christmas light that Rose had picked up on planet Eos and decided was perfect for Halloween, go figure.

"Are you completely barmy?" Jackie yelled, tired of having the same conversation with both her son and her almost son-in-law. "Halloween's the other day over there. He will be completely knackered. He needs to sleep it off."

The Doctor didn't protest, or bother pointing out that he had a time machine at their disposal and Tony could just nap in the TARDIS for a day and re-energize between the two parties in the two universes. It wasn't like they hadn't done it before. Not that Jackie needed to know about that.

"Sure you don't wanna come to the scary house?" Rose offered as consolation. The Doctor had refused to go, on learning that some of Pete's torchwood colleagues would be bringing their kids. He didn't think he could cut back on his snide remarks towards that armed alien assassination cult, and he really didn't want to ruin Tony's fun. But Rose was sure they would have fun anyway, like they always did. She squeezed his hand gently. "You're the one who helped Tony set it up."

"Nah, I'm good. I'll just take him trick or treating. Robin to his Batman, brilliant. We'll have so much fun!"

"And too many candies." Jackie cut in. "I reckon about a few dozens fit in those pockets of yours?"

The Doctor's face contorted. "A few _dozens_? Frankly, Jackie, I'm offended that you think so lowly of Time Lord transdimensional technology."

Jackie's eyes narrowed. "I'll tell you what else I think. If you two cause any trouble at all, you'll both have a thing or two coming."

"You'll ground Tony. Now, me? What can you do to me?" He asked smugly.

She matched his expression. "Do you really want to find out?"

The Oncoming Storm who made galaxies tremble at the mention of his name swallowed. "No."

 _At the Tyler Halloween party:_

"Behave! Be nice to Bev!" Rose cautioned as soon as she saw the person in question approaching them. Before long, she was crushed with a hug.

"Rose! Long time no see! Is this the new bloke of yours? Blimey, you're like a candy cane. You need to fatten this one up, Rose. I'll give you the recipe to my nan's secret salami. He'll be fat in no time."

When Beverly left, the Doctor leaned in closer to Rose's ears. "Why do I feel like I'm being fattened before being butchered?"

"You've been watching too much Hannibal. Now, hush!" She placed a finger on her lips for the Doctor to be quiet, like she did sometimes with Tony, and he glared at her and walked away, like Tony did. _Men_. She plastered a smile on her face and turned to face her oldest friend, who was now within earshot. "Hi, Shareen!"

Shareen studied her carefully, taking in the changes since she had last seen her. "Rose! Look at you, you're glowing! Anything you wanna share with us?"

Rose blushed at the implication, stealing a quick glance at the Doctor, who was munching on nibbles, completely oblivious to the interaction. "It's nothing like that!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Want me to nudge that Doctor of yours to pop the question?"

"Oh, God, no! Please don't scare him away!"

"Nah. I'll leave the scaring part to Jackie." They shared a laugh, reminiscing about the times they got into trouble. Shareen then pointed behind Rose. "Hey, nice police box! Why is it Halloween decoration, though?"

Right, the TARDIS. The Doctor had insisted to park it in the living room, claiming it would blend right in and not stand out. Obliviously, he was wrong. Rose tucked a strand of hair behind her ear nervously. "Oh, you know. It's just... There... We were going for a street meets seventies theme."

"Right." Shareen simply nodded, much to her relief, and dropped the subject. Her kids ran up to her, holding out the candies Mickey had given them, and Shareen said her goodbyes and left with them.

Rose wondered who else she would be meeting tonight. Would the Doctor continue to behave so politely with her family and friends? Where was he anyway?

As if by telepathy-which could have been the case but wasn't because he had promised not to look inside her head without her permission unless it was a life and death emergency- his hand yanked at her arm and pulled her into the TARDIS, and before she could react, she was pushed against the door and thoroughly snogged. Lost in the sensations, she tugged his hair hard, which made him press harder against her, and she found her feet involuntarily kicking the door, which earned them a stern hum from the TARDIS.

That sound brought her back to the present, to the fact that they were currently under their mother's roof, at a party with all their friends, and if she had gasped out of shock, they would have been thrust into an awkward situation and ended up thoroughly embarrassed. She freed her hands from his really, really great hair, and smacked him hard on the shoulder. "Not cool!"

He pouted. "I missed you."

"I was standing right next to you."

"Too far away", he said.

She rolled her eyes. "You know, I think I liked it better when you would rather die than say these stuff."

His eyes widened in surprise. "Really?"

"No, you plum!" She smacked him again. "Now shut up and kiss me!"

He did, this time, slipping his tongue inside her mouth and tugging the sleeve of her dress to the side so he could caress her shoulder.

And suddenly there was a loud "Ewww, gross!"and a Tony Tyler running out of the TARDIS and into the apartment, and a horrified couple standing slack in shock.

"Tony?" Rose finally managed when she recovered, and ran after her brother, the Doctor rubbing his neck and following her at a rather lazy pace. He would really rather avoid what was sure to follow.

"What in the bleeding world are you doing here? How did you even get here? Do you know how dangerous it was?" came Jackie's alarmed and furious voice.

"Then why'd you and Rose do it?" Tony challenged.

The Doctor stepped in before Tony got scolded for talking back to elders. "It's dangerous like driving a car. Adults know how to do it, so they don't get hurt. But you don't know it yet. So don't do this again till you're all grown up, okay, bud?"

"Okay, Doc."

"How come he gets to call you Doc?" Jack asked in an accusing tone.

"Because he's four and the closest thing I have to a little brother." He shot back at Jack before Jackie spoke again.

"Now then, Anthony Tyler, why are you here?"

"Because he's a total brat." Rose offered not so helpfully.

"You're the brat!" Tony retorted.

"I'm not! Tell him, mum!"

"Tell her to stop bugging me, mum!"

Jackie directed a deadly glare in both their directions, one that shut them up effectively, like always, no words needed.

Tony scanned the room, seeing Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and another guy dressed as a pirate whom he didn't know, before he decided on his best ally in the room. "I missed you, Doc. I wanted to see this parry."

A hint of smile appeared on the Doctor's lips. "Oh, Tony!"

"How did you even get here?" Rose asked.

Tony lifted his chin up proudly, ready to show his sister how smart he was. "I got one of mum's roundies that she told me not to touch, duh."

The Doctor smiled again."I love round things too."

"I'll bet." Jack remarked, which earned him a glare from both Rose and the Doctor.

Jackie cleared her throat, waiting for the Doctor to backtrack from giving her son the notion that this was acceptable behavior.

"But it's not okay to touch things that people tell you not to, okay, bud?" He added hurriedly.

"Okay, Doc."

"What were you doing in my TARDIS?" He asked.

Tony pouted. "Mum was here. I got scared she'd scold me. So I hid in there."

"I'm sure your mum will..." The Doctor chanced a glance at Jackie, and the look on her face almost smothered the word on his tongue, "...understand."

Jackie looked positively furious, and despite her being the one who had failed to child proof her house and said child being the one who had been mischievous, the anger was directed right at him, the poor alien caught between the crossfires. "This is all your fault."

"Don't blame him, mum! 'Tis not his fault that you left your spare dimension cannon within Tony's reach!"

"How was I supposed to know he'd pull this stunt? That daft alien's got both my kids under his spell. Next thing I know he'd be fighting with the Prime Minister!"

Before the row could escalate, once again the Doctor intervened. "Alright, alright. What do we do about Tony now?"

Jackie frowned. "If he's here no point in sending 'im back now. But you're grounded when we go back, mister."

"Sorry, mum." Tony mumbled.

"And you too, miss." Jackie added, shooting a pointed look in Rose's direction.

"What? What did I do?"

"Whatever it is you were doing with himself in that box. I'd have none of that under my roof. Now button it!"

Rose blushed at the memory, too embarrassed to argue, even though grounding at age twenty-five was ridiculous. Oh well, she could always sneak out. After all, what good was a sentient time machine if she didn't use it for these nefarious purposes?

"Can I stay for the parry now?" Tony asked hopefully.

"No, pajamas, bed, in five minutes, off you pop." Jackie declared with finality.

Tony stomped his feet. "But I wanna be in an adull parry."

The Doctor, yet again, knew he had to intervene and diffuse the situation, in absence of Pete who usually did the task. He knelt in front of Tony, and placed a hand on his shoulder, ruffling his hair with the other. "For once I agree with Jackie. Can't have you and Captain Jack in the same room. Off you go."

"But Rose gets to stay!" Tony whined.

"Well, I'm an adult." Rose said with blatant smugness on her face and in her tone, and stuck out her tongue at him, like an adult.

The Doctor rolled his eyes, amused by the ceaseless sibling rivalry. "Real mature, Rose."

"Come on, I'll tuck you in." Rose said to Tony in a sing song voice.

"Don't you dare." Tony said, stepping back immediately and rushing to the room that they shared. Before he closed the door, he came up with one last come-back. "I hope those dancing robot monsters get you."

"Wait, what monsters?" The Doctor asked, gliding to the door and placing a hand between it and the door frame to keep it open.

Tony rolled his eyes. "The ones on your telly, silly!"

What he felt could only be described as panic. "I don't have a telly."

He took Tony's hand, brought him back into the living room, and asked gently, "Tony, did you touch any buttons there?"

Tony bit his lip, getting the sense that he had done a bad thing. "Maybe?"

The Doctor shared a look with Rose, and she nodded in agreement. He made up his mind. "Listen to me very carefully, ok? I want you to get back into the TARDIS and stay there, ok? It'll keep you safe."

"Okay."

"And don't touch anything else!" He added as precaution.

"Am I in trouble?" Tony asked.

The Doctor gave him the feeble smile that he could manage in the wake of their current predicament. "No, you're not."

Once Tony was safely inside the TARDIS, the Doctor turned to the others and announced gravely. " _We_ are."

What followed was a moment of silence and heavy breathes, until Donna, who had disappeared some time during the fuss, returned to the room.

"That took forever! Mandy just wouldn't shut up! She's so wasted! Can't wait to see the pictures she posts tomorrow." On seeing the troubled looks on everyone's faces, she stopped dead in her track. "What? Why are you lot standing there looking like that? Did I miss something _again_?" She narrowed her eyes and shot a dirty look to the Doctor. "What did he do now?"

"It wasn't him, it was Tony." Rose said.

"He's taking on you two. You picked the right legal guardian, Jackie."

Rose gasped. "You picked _us_? Really?"

"Really, _them_?" Mickey echoed, equally surprised.

The Doctor stared at them incredulously. "Not now! We're about to be attacked by dancing robot monsters!"

"What are those?" Donna asked.

Rose felt the colors drain further from her face, the irony of this happening while she was dressed as Reinette not lost on her, because seriously, what were the odds? " _Please_ don't say clockwork droids from the fifty first century."

"What are those?" Donna repeated.

The Doctor's jaws and shoulders visibly tensed. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Jack tried to lighten up the mood. "Well, lucky for us, I've got a few tricks up my sleeves from that time. And a few other too. Aren't you gonna ask what those are, gingerbread? I'd be happy to demonstrate."

"Seriously, Jack?" Rose scolded, before turning her attention back to her Doctor. "Do we have a plan?"

"Yep."

"You're lying?"

"Yep." And then added to Donna. "Stay in the TARDIS with Tony till it's safe here."

Rose sighed. "Happy Halloween!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

It was a matter of minutes till the clock-work droids came barging, er, dancing inside the Tyler apartment, dressed in clothes that could politely be described as slutty.

Jack was the first one to comment. "I recognize them!"

The Doctor shot him a dirty look. Was there _anyone_ he had not yet fraternized with? " _Of course_ you do."

Jackie in turn shot _him_ a dirty look, before directing it at Rose, and then at the dancing monsters. "Can I have one bleeding holiday in my bleeding house where I'm not being attacked by bleeding aliens thanks to the bleeding alien my daughter ran away with?"

Mickey sighed, still unable to believe this was happening again. "I should have just gone to Martha's."

"What's happening over there?" Donna demanded from inside the TARDIS, where she was in charge of keeping Tony safe.

Rose answered her. "The bots are coming."

"How did you break the console screen, spaceman?"

The Doctor flushed at the memory of the things he had done to Rose against the console and how they had ended up damaging a _few_ things in their excited state. He huffed in feigned irritation- he wasn't answering to someone about his own ship. "It was an accident. Now can we please focus?"

"Hold on now, these are bots from a really hot club back home, they are designed to dance." Jack explained helpfully, a plan already forming in his head, mentally smirking at how he beat the Doctor to the rescue this time. "We can blend in and then shut them down from the mainframe. I don't think they'll attack us if we dance. Everybody, start dancing!"

The Doctor stared at him like he had just asked them to dance with blood-thirsty robots. Oh, wait, he had. "What?"

"I said", Jack punctuated, like he was talking to a little kid, feeling very clever, "start dancing!"

" _What?_ "

"Do you have a better plan?" Rose asked through gritted teeth. Her annoyance was written all over her face. She loved the misadventures, but not with Tony around. He was too young for any of this.

The Doctor tugged on his ear guiltily. "I'm working on it."

"Then shut up and dance with me!" Rose demanded, taking his hand in hers before he could protest further.

"What's happening now?" Donna barked again.

"We're dancing with bleeding robots!" Jackie yelled back.

Rose Tyler rued the moment she had decided on this outfit. If she could get to the TARDIS and get back in time to talk herself out of it, she totally would, paradoxes be damned, because dancing in a stupid gown with stupid high heels while trying not to get killed by clockwork droids was an absolute pain in the arse. "Can I just say, for the record, that this is absolutely ridiculous?"

The Doctor, dressed comfortably in his usual suit and trainers, damn him, looked at her with a hint of childish delight in his eyes. "Oh, yes!"

Mickey shook his head, just thankful that, for a change, they weren't stranded in an unknown ship in the distant future while the Doctor ran away from his feelings for Rose by jumping on a horse. He turned to Jackie, a look of disbelief on his face. "How did we go from Halloween to this again?"

Jackie scowled. "With those two? We 'ad it coming. I should 'ave known it when I invited himself to the party."

"We need to find the control bot." The Doctor said, trying to divert the attention back from Jackie's usual disapproval of him.

"Working on it." Jack announced.

"Meanwhile, mum, I can't believe you picked us as Tony's legal guardians. Do we look like responsible adults to you?" She shot a pointed look in the general direction of the robots to make her point.

"Hey, speak for yourself." The Doctor said indignantly.

Which added more weight to her claims. She pointed at her alien dance partner. "I already have my hands full with this one."

A smirk lit up Jack's face. "Tell me more."

Rose ignored him and continued the argument with her mother. "You didn't even ask us!"

"Well, I asked your bloke."

At Rose's glare, the Doctor quickly shook his head. "More like told me her decision." At Jackie's glare, he flashed her what he hoped was a winning smile- blimey, he hated being caught in Tyler Women Wars. "Not that I had any objections, mind you, because I obviously didn't, how could I? Brilliant, it is. Molto bene."

Rose's glare returned. "How come you didn't tell me?"

"Must have slipped my mind. Jack, do you have a PPP?" The Doctor asked frantically, hoping they could avoid having a row and ending up sleeping in separate beds before they made up and made up for it in a most delightful way.

And then, out of the blue, everyone switched dance partners, and the Doctor ended up with a clock-work droid. Before he could shoot a witty insult about it, his lips were captured by cold hard metal.

They all forgot to move for a minute. The Doctor stared, wide-eyed. Did he just get…? No. NO. Rassilon, this couldn't be happening.

"Oh my God!" Rose said out loud, vocalizing his thoughts.

"What's happening?" Donna demanded, banging on the TARDIS door for good measure.

"The Doctor just got snogged by a murderous robot." Rose answered, still unable to decide if it was comical or disturbingly disgusting.

Donna, however, wasn't shocked. She simply snorted. "Are you kidding me? Is there anyone he _hasn't_ snogged?"

"There's me!" Mickey said quickly, before Jack could get any ideas, knowing how his mind worked.

"Rooooose?" Tony now banged on the TARDIS door impatiently, adding to the chaos.

Rose felt a wave of panic wash through her. "Tony! Are you alright?"

"I'm okay. Can I come out?"

"No, you can't yet."

"I'm coming out."

"Stay there. I'll buy you a chocolate."

"The ones with nuts?"

"Sure."

"And fruits?"

"Okay."

"The big boxes?"

"Don't push it, mate." She rolled her eyes fondly at her brother.

Before they could negotiate further, the Doctor located the mainframe and disabled the droids. They all stopped moving, bowing down, and everyone sighed in relief.

Donna and Tony came out once they were sure it was safe.

Tony looked at Rose with big brown eyes. "Don't you want me to live with you?"

"Do _you_ want to live with _me_?" She countered.

Tony thought for a moment about all the sleepovers and pillow fights and x-box games and toy sword fights with the Doctor. Then he remembered his solemn vow to never show affection for his sister publicly. He made a face and stuck out his tongue. "No."

Rose smiled knowingly. "So you get just how I feel."

"Yeah." His attention was captured by the now immobile droids. "Can I play with those?"

The Doctor shook his head sadly. "I'm afraid I'll have to send those back to where they came from, sorry, bro."

"How many more of these are out there, do you reckon?"

"I'd rather not find out." Donna said, and dismissed that discussion there. She stretched her arms and craned her neck, hating how she missed out the alien adventure. Again. "Blimey, I felt claustrophobic in there for a while!"

"Rose, I'm hungry." Tony announced, sitting down at the kitchen table. "Can you make me your pancakes?"

"Sure. You'll owe me for that."

"But you owe me for last week when mum wanted you to-"

Rose covered his mouth with her hands before he could finish that sentence and land her in hot waters with their mother again. She greeted him with a sweetened smile. "Pancakes coming right up."

Donna smiled fondly. She knew what it was like to have a clever little brother who could be a stupid git. Sort of. "No, seriously. You expect _those two_ to live together peacefully?"

Jackie shrugged. "Who said anything about peace?"

The Doctor, meanwhile, had gathered the droids in the TARDIS, ready to take them where they came from. He turned to his pink and yellow human. "Rose, I'll be back soon."

"If you set the coordinates right." She mumbled under her breath, causing Tony to snicker.

"Don't wait up." He added.

"I never do." She said, mentally noting to wait five and a half hours, like always.

"I think I've had enough excitement for the day. I'd just head home and take a kip." Donna announced, grabbing her coat.

"I'll walk you." Jack rushed hurriedly.

Mickey was the next to go. "I'm heading over to Martha's. See you soon, Rose, Tony. Bye Jackie."

That only left Jackie, who stifled a yawn before turning her stern gaze to her kids. "I'll be in my room. Don't fight. _Don't_ break anything."

Once Jackie was out of earshot, Rose fixed Tony with a look. "Now then. What's it gonna take for you to not tell Donna that you caught us kissing back there?"

Tony grinned evilly. "I already told her."

Her mouth hung open.

When the Doctor walked in, she didn't give him time for pre-ambles or bragging. "Donna knows we're dating."

"Oh." He said simply.

"So by now everyone we know knows." She added, still gob smacked. "I'm confused."

"Huh?" He raised an eyebrow, before grabbing the jam off the table and sticking his fingers inside.

"Why hasn't mum slapped you yet?"

He only grinned at her like he knew something she didn't. Which was true. Oh, Jackie Tyler had slapped him alright. She had also threatened him about the consequences of hurting her daughter in a dozen ways. Peter Tyler had warned him too, and if he wasn't a high and mighty Time Lord and all, at the end of it, he might just have cried.

But Rose didn't need to know that. He could tell her whatever he wanted. Eloquent and elaborate stories. For instance, "Huh. I don't know."


End file.
